balancing intentional relationships

We were created for community. God designed us to thrive in relationship, with Him and with others. As disciples of Jesus, we desire to be intentional in our relationships, wherever God places us. 

Jesus modeled a balanced life in three intentional spheres of relationship - UP with God, IN with close friends (His disciples), and OUT to the crowds whom He served. 

We can evaluate the health and balance of our relationships through the “triangle” of UP-IN-OUT. Certain spheres may not come naturally to us, so we may find ourselves out of balance at times. What can we learn from Jesus’ life to balance healthy, intentional relationships?

First, Jesus prioritized his UP relationship with the Father. He spoke about God intimately because he knew him well. Jesus prayed often and walked closely with God in his everyday life. In describing His relationship with the Father, Jesus said: “The Son is not able to do anything on his own, but only what he sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, the Son likewise does these things. For the Father loves the Son and shows him everything he is doing.” (John 5:19-20 (CSB)) What an intimate relationship with God!

Jesus also went IN with close friends. He invited others into his life. He spent intimate time with his 12 disciples over three years of living life with them - eating, sleeping, traveling, and teaching. They had access to everything He did and who He was. By staying so connected to them, he modeled the skills they needed to reach out to others.

But Jesus didn’t just stay “in” with his close circle. He also went OUT to a hurting and dying world. Jesus continuously lived on mission, bringing the hope of the gospel and God’s Kingdom to the captive, oppressed, and marginalized. He showed compassion, fed the hungry, and healed the sick, even in the face of criticism.

To live like Jesus in intentional relationships, we first need to prioritize our UP relationship by making time and space for God every day - for example, by reading Scripture, praying, and worshiping our Creator. Our UP relationship means walking with Jesus daily, knowing Him with our hearts, not just our heads, so that we recognize His voice. It looks like “praying without ceasing,” as Paul instructs, by conversing with God moment by moment, inviting Him into every aspect of our lives.

Our IN relationships are about building community, discipling others, and responding to needs in the family of God. Our mandate to go “in” means to cultivate vulnerable, covenantal relationships and to live out Jesus' command to love one another. IN also means our own inward health, our integrity and character as we grow in Christ-likeness. It’s asking ourselves daily, “How am I doing mentally, emotionally, and spiritually?”, and inviting Holy Spirit to expose any areas of our character that don’t align with Jesus.

Finally, we move OUT, choosing to express our faith beyond the walls of our churches, families, and homes. We move out of our comfort zones for the sake of the gospel, to meet people where they are. In OUT relationships, we look for opportunities to share Jesus naturally, building authentic relationships that lead to discipleship. What are my daily rhythms where I can build relationships (like frequenting a gym or local coffee shop or at my work)? Where might I have common interests with other people to invite them into community (for example, reading, sewing, cooking, painting, running, biking, playing sports or video games, etc.)?

Each of these spheres of relationship requires intentionality in order to remain balanced like Jesus. But the order of priority matters: Get UP with the Father to be IN close relationship, allowing Jesus to form you, so that you can go OUT and serve others. If we mix up the order, we will burn out if we’re always going OUT to serve the world but not being UP with the Father in intentional times of connection with God.

When you think about your spheres of relationship, where might you need to grow? What area do you need to concentrate on - UP, IN, or OUT - to become more like Jesus in balancing your relationships?