4 EQ Skills

Emotional intelligence (also called emotional quotient, or EQ) is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions in yourself and in others. High EQ leads to stronger relationships, better decision-making, and greater overall well-being. You can learn and grow in your emotional intelligence over time, with intentional effort.

Emotional intelligence is often categorized into four skills: self-awareness; self-management; social awareness; and relationship management. Developing these four skills of emotional intelligence will allow you to lead and disciple others better as you grow in understanding other people and managing relationships in a healthy way. A higher EQ will also allow you to understand yourself better, which in turn strengthens your relationships with other people and with God as you recognize your own strengths and opportunities for growth.

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence. It involves recognizing your emotions, understanding how they affect your thoughts and behaviors, and identifying your strengths and weaknesses. A self-aware person is mindful of their triggers, reactions, and emotional tendencies. This skill helps with personal growth and decision-making, as it enables you to approach situations with clarity and confidence.

God designed us with emotions. They were His idea. And not only did He give them to us, God also experiences emotions. The Bible gives us many examples of God as an emotional being, especially as displayed in the person of Jesus. Emotions are not in and of themselves sinful. They can be beneficial and even beautiful. Recognizing and processing our emotions frees us to love ourselves, God, and others more intentionally and graciously.

Self-Management

Self-management skills are the next building block of EQ once you’ve cultivated a healthy self-awareness. Self-management involves controlling impulses or moods, adapting to changing circumstances, and staying composed under pressure. Effective self-management prevents emotions from dictating your actions so that you can think before you act. It allows you to respond rather than react. Self-management includes skills like stress management, emotional regulation, and maintaining a positive outlook.

When strong emotions present themselves, we may either overreact and lose all self-control, allowing those emotions to dictate our reaction, or over-control our emotions by suppressing or “stuffing” them. Either reaction can harm ourselves and others. As disciples of Jesus, an aspect of managing our emotions is submitting them to God so that emotions don’t become our “god,” either by overly indulging them or completely ignoring them.

Social Awareness

Social awareness is the ability to understand and empathize with others. Strong self-awareness also helps us in relating to others. If I can recognize and process my own emotions, I’ll be better at recognizing and responding to emotions in other people.

Social awareness requires paying attention to verbal and nonverbal cues, recognizing emotions in different social situations, and understanding group dynamics. Strong social awareness fosters compassion and inclusivity, enabling you to build meaningful connections and navigate diverse social environments effectively.

If we develop high social awareness, we’re able to love others well. Loving others well is a key indicator of spiritual maturity. Jesus refused to separate the practice of the presence of God from the practice of the presence of people. He made this clear in his commandment to his disciples to love God and love each other.

Relationship Management

The final skill, relationship management, focuses on using emotional intelligence to build and maintain strong, healthy relationships. This involves clear communication, conflict resolution, and leadership. Those who excel in relationship management inspire and motivate others, foster collaboration, and create positive environments at work and in their personal lives.

Relationship management skills include active listening, clear communication (including verbalizing your expectations and assumptions), and resolving conflict as a peacemaker, not just keeping the peace.

Which of these skills are you already strong in? Where do you need to grow?